This is an open letter to all those bloody looser spammers out there!! I hate you with all my guts! You disgust me! Although you bloody emails have the subject line “PLEASE I NEED YOUR URGENT REPLY.”, “Urgent Reply Needed.” or even more refined “From Mr.Isu Kafando(Urgent)” – there is abso-bloody-lutely nothing urgent about your emails. And NO – I’m not stupid, I don’t believe that your are going to transfer me a huge amount of dosh for nothing, neither do I believe that you are the bank manager of of the BOA Bank in Burkina faso, “the regional manager Bank of Africa I got your contact when i was searching for an overseas partner”, nor do I believe that you want me “to stand as the next of kin to my late Descease customer whose account is presently dormant”; Hey I just don’t think that it is such a good idea to send you my personal and bank details. And no I don’t want to send you a couple of thou to make it possible for you to get to the fortune of the late deceased – No offense – BUT DO ME ONE FAVOUR AND STOP EMAILING ME!!!! I’m not a schmuck! And believe you me – I don’t want your spammer comments here either – Bank Manager or not!
Hey – wait – we have a newcomer called Mr. Paul Lockett – he claims to be a senior partner in the firm of Infinity Consultants “Private Investigators and Security Consultants”. Sure with an email address of paullockett671@gmail.com I’m sure as hell believe him; Here the transcript of his email – looks like I am rich!
“This investigation involves a client who shares the same surname with you and also the circumstances surrounding investments made by this client at “HSBC”, the Private Banking arm of HSBC. The HSBC Private Banking client died in testate and nominated no successor in title over the investments made with the bank. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail private and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contact you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. You share similar details to the late fellow; I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct the firm to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you, that is, I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50. I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit. But on the other hand, you with the same very name as the depositor’s would easily pass as the beneficiary with right to claim. I assure you tthat I could have the deposit released to you within few days. I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not know this but people like myself who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once, I have found myself in total control of my destiny. These chances won’t pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Lets share the blessing. If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this same email account. If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I send you his mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon.
Kind regards,
Mr. Paul Lockett. ”
And here the latest one from the 8th of October 2009:
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL
ATTENTION: SIR/MADAM,
I do understand the concern this letter will bring to you for the fact that it comes from a total stranger, but be rest assured for it comes with good intentions. I got your contact through the London International Exchange Network On-line here in London,uk.
For purpose of introduction I am Mr Michael Brown, The Financial Adviser of Barclays Bank Plc. There is an account opened in this bank since 1990 and since 1995 nobody has operated on this account again. After going through some old files in the records, I discovered that if I don’t remit this money out urgently it would be forfeited for nothing.
The owner of this account is Mr. Smith .B. Andreas, a foreigner and a miner at Kruger Gold Co-operation, a geologist by profession and he died since 1994. No other person knows about this account or any thing concerning it, the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that the company does not know anything about this account and the amount involved is USD$5,000.000 (Five Million United States Dollars).
I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money cannot be approved to a local bank here, but can only be approved to any foreign account because the money is in United States Dollars and the former owner of the account Mr. Smith .B . Andreas is a foreigner too.
I need a truthful person in this business because I don’t want to make mistakes. I need your strong assurance and trust. With my position now in office I can transfer this money to any foreign reliable account, through Telephone Banking System with our New York or Telegraphic Transfer (T.T) which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival to your country for sharing. I will apply for annual leave to get a visa immediately I hear from you that you are ready to act and receive this money in your account.
At the conclusion of this business, I will come to your country for withdrawal and sharing and other investments. you will be given 30% of the total amount, 60% will be for me ,and while 10% will be for expenses both parties might incure during the process of transferring this money.
Therefore, if you are willing and interested to render the needed assistance, endeavor to reply through my email address, I also need your private phone and fax numbers Your current address attach your I.D Card for easy communication. I will give more clarifications on the modalities needed for the successful completion of this transaction.
Best Regards,
Mr Michael Brown
Barclays Bank plc
London
Funny how people die left right and center and there is nobody to cash in – what a shame!
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